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Zombie-Killing Weapons, Tools, and Techniques (ZKWTTs)

Lucca

I want that one, and that one, and that one, and...


Killing Dead Relatives is Fun

The WTT:

Melee Weapons

Melee Weapons

Examples:

The baseball bat, the ax, the pitchfork, the family heirloom no one wants.

Best Used By:

The strong and those who cannot afford anything better.

Flaws:

No ranged attack without losing weapon. You have to get close to zombies to be effective. Everybody has one.

Catastrophic Flaw:

"Spitter" zombies.

Raine Says:

Raine

The oldest and cheapest zombie-killing weapons, melee weapons have a stigma of user desperation and inadequacy. While the commonly held belief is that this stigma developed with the increasing adoption and preference of ranged ZKWTTs it actually derives from the popularity of powered melee weapons among professional zombie-killers.

Damage Potential Rating:

1 out of 5 gibs.

Style Points Potential Rating:

4 out of 5 severed, zombie heads.

Friendly Fire Potential Rating:

1 out of 5 "You killed the hot chick!"s.


The WTT:

Environmental Devices

Environmental Devices

Examples:

Falling thing, swinging thing, grinding thing, shredding thing, etc..

Best Used By:

The clever, the patient, and those who are not in a rush.

Flaws:

Herding and baiting of zombies required. Environmental devices usually take a long time to prepare. No defense against the "backdoor zombie."

Catastrophic Flaw:

The unobservant human carrying explosives.

Raine Says:

Raine

Environmental devices are the domain of some of the most famous and spectacular zombie-killings in recorded history. They are primarily used in urban centers and for homestead defense. The wide variation in the quality of environmental devices has led to the practice of professional ED designers "signing" their work by using their own unique techniques to execute zombies.

Damage Potential Rating:

4 out of 5 gibs.

Style Points Potential Rating:

4 out of 5 severed, zombie heads.

Friendly Fire Potential Rating:

3 out of 5 "You killed the hot chick!"s.


The WTT:

Shotguns

Shotguns

Examples:

The single shot, the double, the pump-action, the coveted semi-automatic.

Best Used By:

The average zombie-killer and the angry Grandma.

Flaws:

Limited ammo capacity. Long reload times. Requires some training for acceptable levels of proficiency.

Catastrophic Flaw:

Multiple fast zombies.

Raine Says:

Raine

Shotguns are the most popular ranged ZKWTTs of all time. The places they are used range from the largest city centers to the most sparse countrysides. The shotgun can be used as an emergency melee weapon should the need arise. There is a gaming legend that says that any zombie holding a shotgun will end up blowing its head off, the truth is that any zombie holding a shotgun will end up blowing someone's head off.

Damage Potential Rating:

3 out of 5 gibs.

Style Points Potential Rating:

3 out of 5 severed, zombie heads.

Friendly Fire Potential Rating:

2 out of 5 "You killed the hot chick!"s.


The WTT:

Explosives

Explosives

Examples:

Grenade, dynamite, satchel charge, C-4, etc..

Best Used By:

Anyone not responsible for carrying ammunition, providing medical care to others, opening the computer-locked doors, and increasing party morale through looking good.

Flaws:

Requires good timing to use properly. Worthless at close range for the non-suicidal. Possession of explosives makes it more difficult to make friends.

Catastrophic Flaw:

The bad throw.

Raine Says:

Raine

A high risk, high reward ZKWTT, users of explosives are considered some of the most unbalanced individuals to walk the face of whatever zombie-infested planet you are on. Many professional zombie-killers refuse to work with any explosives using zombie-killers due to their unfortunate tendency for catastrophic team-killing. An old saying says it best, "There is no difference between an exploder who wants to kill you and one who wants to kill them."

Damage Potential Rating:

5 out of 5 gibs.

Style Points Potential Rating:

2 out of 5 severed, zombie heads.

Friendly Fire Potential Rating:

5 out of 5 "You killed the hot chick!"s.


The WTT:

Powered Melee Weapons

Powered Melee Weapons

Examples:

The classic chainsaw, the Chain Gun, the Ripper, etc..

Best Used By:

Professional, melee zombie-killers and those with strong stomachs.

Flaws:

No ranged attack. Powered melee weapons are mechanical weapons that require constant maintenance. Incredibly messy; Zombies don't die "clean."

Catastrophic Flaw:

Motor stalling.

Raine Says:

Raine

One of the more famous ZKWTTs, powered melee weapons morale-boosting effects can turn a battle into a zombie-killing rout. It is considered proper etiquette by professional zombie-killers to refuse to remove any zombie substances from themselves before their powered melee weapons have been completely cleaned, repaired, and oiled. Professional powered melee weapon users have a higher groupie-per-penis score than any other ZKWTTs user.

Damage Potential Rating:

4 out of 5 gibs.

Style Points Potential Rating:

5 out of 5 severed, zombie heads.

Friendly Fire Potential Rating:

1 out of 5 "You killed the hot chick!"s.


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